Expressing Condolences With Care

By: Batchelor Brothers Funeral Services
Monday, October 17, 2016

The news that a friend, colleague or acquaintance has passed away is difficult in many ways. At the same time you're facing your own sadness, you may be at a loss about what to do or say to the bereaved. You want to help, but aren’t surehow.

The most important thing to do is to express your condolences. In doing so you are letting the bereaved know that you cared about their loved one and that they are not alone in their grief.

When you see the bereaved, a hug, holding hands or asimple handshake helps connect them to the living world. Simple phrases such as "I’m sorry"; "He was a good friend";

"I was blessed to know her"; or "My sympathies to your family" are appropriate. You do not have to say a lot. In fact,  it is often better to let the bereaved lead the conversation. If they're uncomfortable speaking, then a concluding phrase such as "Please let me know if I can help you in any way" or " My prayers are with you" affirms that you care for them and establishes a connection for the future.

If you can't see the bereaved in person, a telephone call is appropriate. Ask how the family is doing and be a good listener. It is important for people to feel they can talk to someone about their experience and emotions. Don’t hesitate to talk about the deceased since it often rekindles fond memories, enabling the bereaved to remember life’s blessings despite their loss. The same phrases mentioned above may be used to start and conclude the call.

Written condolences are also appreciated, whether you know the deceased’s family well or not. Receiving a personal note on stationery or a purchased sympathy card helps bereaved families realize that others share their loss. Whether you use a personal note or card, a brief explanation of your relationship to the deceased will help the family put you in context. In addition to the thoughts mentioned above, it's always good to express what the deceased meant to you and to reinforce that he or she will be missed but fondly remembered.

If possible, going to the funeral home for a funeral service or viewing is appropriate, even if you do not know the family well. At the funeral home you will find a register book where you should write your full name, nickname if applicable and your relationship to the deceased if it is not obvious to the family.

Many people send flowers as an expression of sympathy. If you choose to send flowers, be sure to attach a short note such as "With deepest sympathies" or "My heartfelt condolences," sign your full name and how you know the deceased, whether it is from work, the gym, a club, church, etc.

Some families specify a particular charity or organization where contributions can be made in lieu of flowers. If you choose to make a contribution, ask the funeral director what organization has been specified and how to contact that organization. Traditionally, the organization will send the family a notice of your contribution.

Keep in mind...

  • The expression of condolences is important; it's the first step in accepting the loss and beginning the healing process for you and the deceased’s family.
  • However you choose to express your condolences, it is essential to clearly identify yourself. This is a confusing and emotional time for the family. You can help by establishing the connections for them.
  • No matter which form you choose to express your sympathies, do it as soon as possible; rather than having to share your feelings in an awkward social environment or the workplace at a later date.
Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

How to Sort Through Your Departed Loved One’s Belongings and Keep their Memory Alive

Going through a loved one’s belongings after they have passed away is often difficult but you can make the process easier. Just as there is no right way to grieve, there is no specific time that y...

May is Stroke Awareness Month. Knowing The Warning Signs Could Save Your Life.

This year, recognize Stroke Awareness Month by learning more about stroke prevention and detection. When it comes to strokes, every second counts! Nearly two million brain cells die each minute a ...

If You Can’t Sleep, These Seven Surprising Culprits Might Be to Blame

Do you find yourself lying awake in bed or tossing and turning all night? If you can’t sleep, these sneaky slumber thieves could be the cause. Sleep disorders affect an estimated 33% of Americans....

How Much Do You Know About Senior Home Safety?

While familiar surroundings can be comforting as we grow older, home safety measures require extra attention. Changes that come with the aging process like declining vision, hearing, and bone dens...

Honor Your Departed Loved One with These Creative Outdoor Memorial Ideas

Outdoor memorial ideas can range from basic stones to elaborate gardens. Finding a special way to pay tribute to a departed loved one can bring great comfort. Think about the one who passed on and...

It’s Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month. Here are Seven Important Things to Know.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) affects nearly 1 million adults in the United States and those numbers are growing. MS is both a complex disease of the central nervous system and an autoimmune condition. ...

Do You Know the Rules for Legally Scattering Ashes?

As more and more people choose cremation, questions about legally scattering ashes are on the rise, too.   Ash scattering has become an increasingly popular way to remember the departed. It p...

Four Important Things to Know About the Tax Issues When Losing a Spouse in Pennsylvania

The tax issues when losing a spouse in Pennsylvania are varied and complex. Losing a spouse or life partner is challenging on many levels. In addition to the deep emotional grief and personal loss...

Hobbies and Five Other Activities That Can Help Create a Healthier Brain

Can a healthier brain be as close as your chessboard? The experts say yes. As we age, the structure of the brain changes, which can adversely affect memory and cognition. It can be challenging to ...

Six Helpful Tips for Discussing Your Funeral Plans with Your Family

The most crucial conversations are often the hardest, and discussing your funeral plans with loved ones is a prime example. Talking about your funeral preferences with a spouse, parent, or child i...